Mama On: Learning

"Once it's in your head, no one can ever take it away."

My mother was very good about pointing this out, especially to me, because I was her own. Her point, more than anything else, was to be sure that I knew that knowledge is invaluable and worth the inspiration and effort it takes to get it. She wanted me to stay in school. She wanted me to be brave and to forge ahead in life. She felt compelled to let me know that knowledge was meant to be filtered and tempered with all of the sensitivity and power of a joyful and caring heart. She was certain that with an adequate education, my future would be secure. She never knew that I would have to stalk security.

And it's not just me.

I know that every year there are millions of graduates who share my mother's opinion and that there are thousands of Mamaknologists among them, people who will use their educations and build upon them, to help make this a better world, given the chance. But what happens to them in this economy, when there are no jobs and a world of rapidly shifting options?

You fall back and punt, my mother would say. Fall back on what you know; use what you've got to get where you have to go. Life doesn't have to have a designer label or a long-term guarantee, and it is most certainly not a dress rehearsal -- but once it's in your head, no one can ever take it away. So the Mamaknologist take on our situation and this economy is don't let the bad stuff find a home in your head. This is the time to build on the things we have learned and not just make them work, but to find triumph in them. Now is the time to make a life of the good things that we've learned and to look forward to what we will be on the other side of the hard times and belt tightening.

Now is the time to focus on not being bitter. Now is the time to rise to the occasion and make the most of our accrued knowledge and what it has made us. The Mamaknologist in me says that my mother was right -- she just didn't tell me how flexible knowledge was.

Mama On: Working With What You've Got

"Life may not be fair, but this one is all you get -- make the most of it."

Maybe this bit of Mamaknology should have been put in place on Mother's Day, but I think that it is appropriate to all the days of a life lived with Mamaknowledge -- yes, that's the proper noun for what we're practicing here.

Anyway, I took a look at a special picture the other day. It was a very old picture, the kind people throw away with hardly a thought -- mostly because they look like junk or trash. Heck, it was old! But like I said, this picture is special. The woman pictured is named Betsy Sims Cyrus. She is my grandmother's grandmother.

That makes Betsy my great-great-grandmother.

Which made me think. It makes me wonder what her words of wisdom would be for those of us trying to do the math. See, Betsy trekked from Georgia to Texas on the Trail Of Tears -- about 170 years ago, for the history and math impaired among us. The cool thing is not just that she made it. The amazing thing is that Betsy found a way to make a life for herself and her family, and it must have been a good one, because here we all are today.

The exciting thing is that just looking at this picture, I get to lock real value into the Mamaknology of working with what you've got. Betsy's son Moses was my great-grandfather, and he took great pride in providing and educating all thirteen of his children. Happily, my Grandmother Bert shared his pride, forced it through my father (Leon) and into me. And because Leon married my mom, the original Mamaknologist, it stuck.

Now, that's some powerful Mamaknology!

But, I guess I should tell you what the cool thing is, huh? The cool thing is that all of my cousins and I get to look at this picture, all these years later. Even through things she could never have imagined -- from World Wars and moon landings, to women sitting on the Supreme Court and an American President with skin the color of her generational children, more than just her image has survived. Egyptian pharoahs built great monuments to their glory, but Betsy left this picture and us. She has survived, not just in the features we share, but in the fact that I can look at this little picture and love her for working with what God and her own mama gave her.

Thank you, Betsy, for working it out!

Mama On: Doing Your Best

"If you do your best, you can ALWAYS hold your head high -- you have nothing to be ashamed of."

Well, here we are. Day 100.

The flag still flies. The sky is still up there. And to the best of my knowledge, the Antichrist has not claimed my soul. What has happened is that I now hold my head a little higher and smile a little brighter, and all because our National Boyfriend and his Amazing Girl Next Door have irrepairably and forever changed the definition of what Americans look like and what they can do. The other thing that has happened is that Americans now respect their president enough to EXPECT something from him.

The Mamaknologist in my soul is so proud and ready to strut her stuff in stilettos that I don't know what to do.

Don't get me wrong, I am still concerned about the economy, global warming, crime in our cities, and the very real chance that Korea will reduce the planet to cinders. And in all honesty, I don't know that the next 100 days will change any of that. But what I do know is that it took two Bush presidents sixteen years to dig a hole that few people are willing to admit exists. To expect to do any more than cover that hole with platitudes and illusion in 100 days is ridiculous -- and if you think it can be done, I suggest you speak with your local Mamaknologist. She undoubtably can point you to a bridge in Brooklyn with your name on it.

The most interesting Mamaknologist observation, as we head into day 101 and beyond, is that as a nation, we are now expecting and assuming change because our president has offered us his BEST. And he has done it boldly, with his head held high -- leaving no shame in his wake. I like that.

So on Day 100, and on behalf of Mamaknologists everywhere, I offer these words: Well done, Mr. Obama. Well done.

Mama On: What's Done In The Dark

“What’s done in the dark will always come out into the light.”

Though my mother said this often, I know that it is not original Mamaknology, but I’m going to use it, anyway. Today, after seeing the "cartoon" published by the New York Post (following the signing of President Obama's economic stimulus bill) I simply speak as myself.

Here's what I think...

This "cartoon" (have you seen it? Look before you speak...) is not a joke or misplaced humor. It is, in fact, a calculated invitation to assassination and I sincerely do not understand why Homeland Security has not moved on this bold terroristic action. And by the way, is anybody else wondering who, "they," are? I know that I am, and how far are these gun-wielding terrorists willing to go, under the legal guise of constitutional policy and precident, to stop, "them"?

I also have to wonder, if monkeys, apes, people of color, and our current president are not points of ridicule, why did the Post (and other publications) fail to so "honor" George W.? He's got big ears, a longish face, a moderately simian bend to his posture, and goodness knows he was never the sharpest knife in the drawer.

And hey, remember that we live in a country where you cannot go to the airport and say, "I have a gun," without consequences... even though you can ride around on MARTA (public transportation) all day with it. This drawing has stepped beyond the realm of free speech and freedom of expression into the arena previously inhabited by the likes of Timothy McVey and the deliverers of jets into buildings. This "cartoon" delivers a quick and dirty visually demonstrated threat. There should be consequences and dire repercussions for the Post and its related staff, including removal of the people responsible for the "cartoon".

As the African-American daughter of a retired veteran of American wars, a beneficiary of Brown v. The Board of Education, and a citizen of these United States, I am ashamed of the Post and this poor representation of both human and American integrity, intellect, sensitivity, historical place, and justice. Morally, this is more than a lack of thought and inspiration. It is the public display and demonstration of a deep and abiding institutionalized hatred and depravity.

Shame on you, Mr. Murdoch. Shame on you, Mr. Carlucci. Shame on you, Mr. Delonas. Shame on you, Mr. Allen. I see what you’ve done and it is ugly. You didn’t even have the courage to bring your racist bigotry out under its own umbrella. You had the nerve to try to dress it up as art, free speech, personal opinion, and then slide it into the world. Well, I see you and it for what you are, and shame on you. Know that you have all individually and collectively reduced, demeaned and shamed us all, because actions do indeed speak louder than words and culturally insensitive art work.

Mama On: Appearance

"Always keep your hair done."

Yes, my mother said it and yours probably did, too. Yes, it's good advice. But who knew it could be a lifesaver?

The Mamaknologist in me fully understands that it is the right and purpose of every Mamaknologist to keep herself intact and looking good. We dress ourselves and present ourselves with care, while moving forward with decorum and grace. That means shopping, manicures, and exfoliation. And sometimes, it also includes a hair weave.

Now, the world is not kind in challenging women of color about their hair -- even as they are in the midst of living their lives. And yet, today we are all marveling at Kansas City Mamaknologist-In-The-Making, Briana Bonds, who has her tight and obviously well-maintained weave to thank for saving her life.

Giving new meaning to, "stopping a bullet," and winding up with a slight headache, the 20-year old woman has broken up with her boyfriend and survived -- thanks to the tightness of her tracks and her knowledge that she deserves to be treated well in her life. Her spurned 28-year old former lover was unhappy with her obviously wise choice to move on, and "He fired four or five shots at me, you don't shot at someone you say you love."

Thank God she recognized this.

My mother used to say, "if you hit me (or, by implication, shoot at me), then you don't love me. And if you don't love me, what in the world am I doing with you?" Okay, I took the long way around to get to this one, but think about it: any woman, Mamaknologist or not, who has value for herself is going to realize that a gun-toting man is probably going to use that gun at some point. And, if he's not in control of his temper and emotions, he's going to use it in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Possibly on you.

I'm pretty sure Ms. Bonds is glad that she realized that this boyfriend was the wrong one... even as she took the Mamaknologist advice and hooked up her hair, thus inadvertantly managing to avoid becoming a victim of domestic violence.

Oh: she drove away, but came back in time to see the boyfriend picked up and taken away by the police. He has been charged with domestic assault and armed criminal action. We can all hope that she will take that as seriously as she takes her weave.

Read the article: Hairweave Stops Bullet

Mama On: Aging

"Mother Nature is an Indian Giver."


Okay, to begin, I am fairly certain that this quote is not politically correct. But my mother, Knower of all things Mamalogical, was pretty much on target. Think about it: you're born and you are pretty much a blank slate. Given time, you grow into a lovely young person with opinions, a tight body, and the time to use it. When you reach middle age and know what to do with what you've got and how to work with it, Mother Nature starts trying to take it back! As someone (I think it was Mae West) once said, "getting old is not for wimps."

So, what's a Mamaknologist to do?

My mother would tell you to enjoy the process. She would tell you to get the most you could out of your life before Mother Nature began trying to take her gifts back. She would tell you to start with making every day, especially every birthday count. She would say that there is nothing wrong with reinvention. She would say that you should leave your mistakes behind when you climb into bed every night, because every day that you wake up is one more chance to get life right. She would say that God don't like ugly, and neither should you -- don't let stupid and ugly bind your ankles and trip you up.

She would say to be the best that you can be. She would say that looking good and feeling good are yours by right, not privilege -- unless you let someone take them from you. She would say that you should never stop learning; that once you've learned something, it can never be taken from you. She would say that everything good to you is not good for you -- and that goes for everything from cake and alcohol, to sex and men. She would say that you should extend the same courtesies to yourself that you extend to others, because if you're not good to yourself, you will never be good for anyone else.

Today would have been my mother's 81st birthday, and she would tell you that your birthday is your own personal holiday. She would tell you to celebrate your aging with grace and to mark your life with beauty. And when you get to the end, she would tell you to know God and to be glad that Jesus believed in crosses.

Yes, my mother was The Knower Of Many Things, and not at all shy about sharing them.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Mama On: Thinking Before You Speak

"It's better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

I had to make a service call today because the cable bill had errors on it. The young man I spoke to was rude, arrogant, and (yes...) foolish. Without checking the computerized record, he gave erroneous information and accused me of lying about my account, thereby pissing me off (Royally!) and neccesitating a call to his supervisor ...

Someone I work with accused me of failing to follow up on a project (that I had already completed). Her language was abusive and rude, and in her arrogance, she failed to note that I had also corrected and completed her portion of the project (that she was at a total loss about, but needed to complete in order to justify the raise in pay she wants)...

My dad is in a nursing home. One of the nurses felt that it was appropriate to, "put me in my place," with regard to his smoking. Her language was critically brusque and assaultive, neccesitating comments from me and a call to facility administrators...

The applied Mamaknology here is to simply think before speaking. Do your job and extend the courtesy you would like to recieve. Be a decent human being. As a Mamaknologist, I realize that all three of these folks had options and chose the one that they thought best under the circumstances -- and I have to shake my head. Didn't any of them see the problem with those choices? Even if I had started out thinking that they were fools and approached them that way, did they HAVE to confirm the suspicion? Did they have to reduce themselves to their lowest level in order to feel better?

The Mamaknologist in my soul says, "no, they didn't." And yet, they did. Now, I not only think that these people are fools, but they have moved to prove me right -- not smart. In each of these cases, they've put their jobs in jeopardy. In each of these cases, they've lost both public and peer respect and put themselves in less that positive positions. Worse, they've proven themselves untrustworthy, unprofessional, and undignified.

My mother also used to say, "think twice and act once." Would have made sense in all these cases.