Mama On: Bumble Bees

"Do it right the first time and you won't have to go back and repeat it."

I already hear you. Yes. This quote makes all the sense in the world, but does that mean that we pay attention and follow through on it? No, it doesn't. And that, of course, leads us (read that as me ... okay, maybe you, too) into all kinds of trouble.

Yes, I'm having One Of Those Days, and I have to admit that the Mamaknologist who raised me taught me all of the Right Stuff. In fact she placed special emphasis on things like honesty and integrity, and if you catch me on the right day and at the right time, I will spout the cherished phrases verbatum. Yes, word-for-word, I will tell you all about how saving money for emergencies (that don't include One Day Sales at Macy's) is a good idea. I will tell you that you are what you eat, and that that should not be limited to red velvet cake. And, yes, I will tell you why we should all be glad that our knees bend and our fingers interlock when we bow our heads to pray.

But, dang! Can you tell me how it is that we forget all of that when it comes to our real lives? And worse, why do we insist on not applying the Mamaknology, then wondering how we wound up in the mess we were warned about? Doesn't that parallel the notion that madness is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome?

Why we (in this case me) continually fall into these little life snares is a mystery -- even when we think we've girded our fiscal, physical, emotional, and artistic loins, we step into the mess. Maybe some of this is why my mother thought that doing something right the first time would make it easier when you had to deal with a similar mess later in your life -- just because of the general life madness.

More than likely, though, this was a point of remedial Mamaknology and you've heard it couched in other language. We've all heard that, "what does not kill us makes us stronger." And we've all heard that the reason a butterfly must struggle to be free of its cocoon is to build strength for its life. But my mother, the original Mamaknologist, liked to tell me about bumble bees. She talked about their big, round, unwieldy bodies, and their fast-fluttering wings. She told me that because of the way they were built, there was no way in the word that they were supposed to be able to fly, and yet they did. She said that the reason they flew high and far was because they either didn't know, or didn't care that they couldn't.

She told me that people and bumble bees had a lot in common. Hmm... So, the Mamaknology here is simply to serve the general life madness with prayer, and do the best that you can the first time around.

As for me? I'm gonna bumble like the bee!

Mama On: Birthdays

"Celebrate your birthday, baby. You only get one."

And in the great wisdom of Mamaknology, my mother thought it was important to celebrate self. She saw one's birthday as a personal holiday to be cherished -- after all, it only comes once a year.

So, for me, today is one more birthday for me than my mother lived to see, and I am determined t0 try to live every day in faith, peace, health, and happiness. After all, it's just a part of the celebration of my birthday and my life because I have this one time to do it right.

Happy birthday to me.

Mama On: Standing

"We have to develop But Power."

Well, our Rock Star president has won the 2009 Nobel Peace prize, and we all know that in large part, it is due to his innate ability to endure and outlast, 'the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune'. Taking nothing away from William Shakespere, the author of those words, I am going to give credit for this bit of Mamaknology to former U.S. Congresswoman, Barbara Jordan (1936-1996).

Jordan was not a woman of great physical beauty. She was tall, dark-skinned, seriously 'thick', and nobody ever accused her of having 'good' hair. What she did have was wit, wisdom, backbone, and an enormous intellect. She possessed a strong, gravelly voice, and piercing eyes. Born and raised in Houston, Texas, she made steps that a lot of people would have give second, third, and even fourth thoughts to -- and then she stepped up and out.

I was privileged to hear her speak and to meet her at a Zeta Phi Beta boule in Chicago, when I was fifteen and have never forgotten her words or her presence. She marks me to this very day, and when I am ready to give in or give up, the Mamaknology of her words touches me again. Her topic was, "But Power," and I heard and understood the lesson she was there to teach, even before I internalized the words that would come later.

On that hot August day, Jordan stood before a group of women; women like my mother, who would soon reach middle-age; young women just emerging from the college experience; and women-to-be, like me and my friends. When she took the podium, intelligence shining like a beacon, she smiled. And then she rocked the room with a voice like an avenging angel. She told us that people would look at us and tell us that while we possessed everything it took to run a world, they would also say things like:

• but you might fail
• but you're a woman
• but you have no money
• but we're not sure about you
• but this has never been done before
• but your proposal is filled with risk
• but this is outside your range of experience
• but you would have to be the first one to do it

And you know what? She was right, but she gave us the answer to every one of those BUTs and a blueprint for the process of being 'different' in America. Congresswoman Barbara Jordan, preacher's daughter, graduate of Texas Southern University (1956) and Boston University Law School (1959), Houston democrat, keynote speaker at the 1976 Democratic Convention, and African-American said: "We have to develop BUT Power."

She told us that in times to come, the answer to every challenge would be But Power. She said that when you are told 'no' the answer is not to turn, hang your head, and walk away, it is to remain calm and humble and realize that the answer is no today, BUT tommorrow is another day. When you are told that you lack the skill or education, the answer is, BUT I will find a way to learn what I have to and I will be back. When you are told that you are only a woman, the answer is BUT Jesus was only a man, and look how that turned out. When you are told that your skin is the wrong color, or that your hair is not 'good' enough, the answer is, BUT I will still come back tomorrow. And when the door is closed in your face, you just may have to find a seat for your BUTT, but you don't leave -- and you don't back down when your civil rights and ethics are challenged.

I think that these are lessons that Mr. Obama has learned in abundance, and transmitted to the world around him. I am proud that he has taken them into the White House and the world beyond the United States. His humility in acknowledging the award was admirable, and I know that his daughters have learned from his example. I am pleased and happy to see his wife at his side -- he stands as a man of honor and his wife is confident that he is who he always promised her he would be. It would appear that Mr. Obama had done his best to demonstrate BUT Power.

Well done, Mr. AND Mrs. Obama.

Mama On: Behavior

"Behave yourself! Do you want people to think you were raised in a barn?"

Ah, we have again come to one of the basic tenants of Mamaknology -- "Act right." And of course, the addendum is, "Act right in public; you never know who sees you" "

I had the privilege of viewing the AMERICA I AM exhibit, here in Atlanta. Before going further, I have to say that it was an amazing exhibit and totally worth the one-hour (plus) wait in line. Now, knowing that this fascinating event dealt with the contributions, trials, tribulations, and triumphs of African-Americans in this country. I wanted to believe that I was going to celebrate being black in America with people like me. People willing to share and enjoy the best of what we are.

Well, as it turns out, many of the people I was in line with turned into something I hope never to be: rude, ignorant, loud, vulgar, and callous, and they had no problem demonstrating these traits in pairs, trebles, and other multiples. The children with them MUST have learned their manners somewhere else -- thank goodness -- because the ones throwing the tantrums, trying to touch the exhibits, taking pictures, sitting and standing on the exhibits, and stepping on other people were the adults.

Now, what's wrong with us? Why can't we go anywhere and act like it is meant for EVERYONE to enjoy-- not just us. Why do we think that the rules are meant for everyone EXCEPT us? Why do we forget our manners at the door and then have the NERVE to be offended when we're caught doing the wrong thing? And yes, people were in the exhibit trying to handle and take pictures of 500-year old artifacts!

Come on, people! You KNOW your mama raised you better than that. People died for your right to stand where you are, and you're tramping all over their blood, sweat, and tears like it means nothing. Were you raised in barn?

The Mamaknologist take on this is much like the line from John Donne's poem (Meditation XVII). Donne tells us that, "No man is an island, entire to himself...". Briefly, this means that you have no right to behave like a circus act and then take it on the road because you are not the only person in the world. You have no right to abuse the people around you with your bad behaviour. One of our president's was quoted as saying, "the rights of the individual extend only as far as the next individual."

He might not have been a Mamaknologist, but he put the right words in place to make the point.

View AMERICA I AM online.

Mama On: Thinking before you speak

"WHAT did I tell you?"

Tonight, I watched the VMA award show and witnessed a man moving contrary to everything that has brought him to this point in time. DEEP in my heart, I heard my mother's voice loud and exceedingly clear. She said, "Kanye West has lost his mind, and I KNOW his mother is embarrassed." The Mamaknologist in me agreed wholeheartedly. His interruption of another artist was rude and inappropriate. His language, though not entirely lewd, was unacceptable. His behavior and the manner in which he chose to voice his opinion was ... wrong.

And we all know, his mama didn't raise him like that.

It is my belief that Dr. Donda West, in all the years of raising her child used that key phrase ("What did I tell you?") with all of the power any Mamaknologist could muster -- and I am sure that she moved emphasis and aggression throughout the phrase with strong intent. I'm pretty sure that this is what she meant when she said:

• "WHAT did I tell you?" Translation: Are you listening when I tell you what I know about the world?
• "What DID I tell you?" Translation: I'm going to repeat this because you need to get a clear understanding. The world is going to hold you responsible for getting it right.
• "What did I tell you?" Translation: Son, I've laid my life on the line for yours because I want yours to be better than mine. Take the gift and grow into a good man.
• "What did I TELL you?" Translation: Son, why aren't you listening? You can't be a child forever and this life is not a dress rehearsal.
• "What did I tell YOU?" Translation: Son, I'm not giving this gift to anyone but you. Please use it well.

So, here's the Mamaknologist take, delivered as a direct message: Crazy is not cute, Kanye. Your mother, armed with all of the acquired wisdom of her Mamaknology, provided the blueprint. It is now up to you to build a life worth living. People maybe watching, but you need to man up and get some help. There is no shame in recognizing a need for support, and the Mamaknologist in me hears the voices of both my mother and yours, because I know that your mama DID tell you.

Mama On: Prayer

"Aren't you glad that Jesus believed in crosses?"

My mother, The World's Foremost Mamaknologist, liked to say that it was a good thing that Jesus believed in the cross enough to climb up on one. My father's mother used to like to remind me that I could live a life that was Paid In Full.

Suddenly, on a day when my heart is full and I have undeniable reasons to be grateful, I am very happy that Jesus believed in crosses and God gave me knees that could bend and hands that can fold for prayer.