Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Mama On: Falling In Like
"Every pot needs a lid."
Okay. This, again, is not totally original but my mother had a specific Mamaknological point to make when she said it to me. My mother loved the concept of love. She was completely dediated to the ideas of care, passion and fidelity. More than that, she really liked my father. She thought he was funny, smart, creative, and pretty darned good-looking. The fact that he was crazy about her was icing on the cake. She loved that my father was as enamored of her a she was of him, and she wanted that for me.
Heck, I want that for me. Don't you want it for you?
Anyway, I remember once asking her HOW to fall in love. I was about 13 and saw other girls with boyfriends and they all seemed to be in love, but the boys they chose seemed less than desireable to me. Not that the boys were failing to make advances ... they did, but they were just the same little boys I'd always known. Not one of them felt like anyone destined to be the Love of My Life. Where was THE ONE for me? When would he show up? Would he ever show up? Did he even exist?
Yes, my personal Mamaknologist assured me.
"Yes, the right boy is out there for you and some day he will be the right man for you. You'll know him because what you have with him will be different from the fun times you've had with every other friend in your life. He will show you that it is good and right to trust him, that you are safe with him, and that being with him will make your life better in every way. It may take a while, but you will find each other because every pot has a lid, but you're going to like him a lot. And you've got to like your lid before you can find love with him."
It really is funny how the older we get, the wiser our parents become. Over time, we all slide into like with a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, but it is rare that like ripens into anything sweeter. When it does, wow, pots can find lids.
I think my pot may have finally found the right lid -- not what I thought it would be, but definitely a good fit. Only time will tell. The lesson in Mamaknology that I am taking from this is that any relationship is worth the investment of time and that if you can't / won't / don't LIKE the person, you will never find a way to love them. I've learned that even if it feels like the right person is never going to show up, you have to like the people around you. Falling in like is the first step to falling and staying in love.