Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Mama On: Keeping Your Mouth Shut (Sometimes...)

"Everything you think, you don't say."

Okay, for the pragmatic 21st century Mamaknologist, this may seem almost absurd. But on the other hand, it might be regarded as common sense. Think about it . . .

When is the last time someone said something to you, a "back-handed" compliment, if you will -- and you wanted to slap the spit out of them? But you thought about it, decided you didn't want to spend the night (or the rest of your life) in jail, and parted your lips to say . . . Nothing. And the biggest reason you said nothing was because (as my mother, the Original Mamaknologist would have told you) there was nothing to gain by speaking your mind.

I mean really, what can you do about situations like when people who owe you money have the nerve to get mad at you -- yes, you could sue, but remember that they already don't have the money to pay you. Or what about the folks who are determined to be rude and vulgar? They already know that they are rude and vulgar, and because they don't have a clue how to be anything else, they make everybody else's life miserable. And lest I forget, what about the people who bring chldren into the world and then refuse to parent them? So, of course you have to be victimized by the random disorder caused by the heathens (parents and children).

So, what do you do?

Mostly, you keep your mouth shut because one word would result in a few hundred too many. A lof of folks will turn their heads and go socially deaf and mute Personally, I take the Mamaknologist route -- I quietly lose my mind. Yes, I turn into that sweet and determined little old lady who speaks softly to the problem and then smiles at the perpetrator(s). I used to see my mother and my grandmothers do this and it looked crazy, but it rarely failed to bring about the desired result -- temporary order out of social and emotional chaos.

So, in my many years of studying Mamaknology Theory, what I have learned is this: you don't have to tell folks exactly what you think of them (and every other lousy human they have ever encountered) to get them to shape up and act right. You don't have to slap anyone hard enough to make thieir grandchldren flinch to make a point. And you don't have to rant and rave to put the fear of God in a "bad" child or errant parent.

You do have to pick your battles and your words carefully, though. You have to learn to be a person who can walk in this world armed with enough love and respect to choose your words and actions appropriately. You do have to think before you speak -- and sometimes you have to bite your tongue, because you are not here alone.

1 comment:

Alvin C. Romer said...

Sometimes when there's wild hairs just waiting to be put in place, you rise up a bit and put diplomancy on the shelf and you get ghetto-fabulous on 'em and make Big Mama proud...'cause if anyone in da hood found out that you been 'buked and scorned then the stigma becomes too embarassing not to save face short of retaliatory means!

NOW...if you are fine and refined and got some class then you take it in stride, kill 'em with kindness but go about business by sticking the knife all the way in to the hilt while you smilin' and profilin'. The will fool will think that they are getting over, but you are riding shotgun with intelligensic fortitude triggering adrenalin to flow profusely! Remember: there's ways to shoot from the hip, take no prisoners and STILL come from corrupted to corrected!

I drive thru da hood at least once a week just to check out what's going on and to monitor behavior patterns for situations you described in this post!And I've seen many jap slapped by the best!