Mama On: Cherishing Yourself

"Always wear clean underwear in case of accidents."


To be sure, my mother did not have a lock on this one. Everybody's mother said this, but my mother added that you wanted to wear clean underwear so that you wouldn't get treated like a booger if you DID have an accident.

I might have been able to go a very long time without addressing this one, but for the fact that I recently encountered a young woman who chose the sans underwear option. Right. Out in the world with no drawers. And the only reason I (and about fifty other people) knew was because the wind blew, exposing her bare flesh. One witness, a man who obviously felt that all present should be informed, shouted and shared the news.

Sad as that was, my mother, the world's leading Mamaknologist would have been immediately appalled that a woman would think so little of herself. She would wonder why any woman would leave her home with her hair and nails done, and wearing what she thought to be a well-planned and fashionable outfit, only to leave her most precious physical asset open and bare to the world.

The Mamaknologist take on this is: Why? Why would you leave your body so publicly exposed? You don't know who's out there, and what they're bringing with them. Yes, I know that the AIDs virus does not survive once exposed to air, but we all know that there is so much else "out there," including perversion aided and abetted by video and the internet. Even if she thought she looked good with her personal and private parts made so public, why would any woman crave such negative attention in the first place?

This is not totally a question of home training or even sanity and though we might spend, or waste, hours postulating the answers, the bottom line is that a woman who cherishes herself and the gifts she brings is never going to abuse those gifts. The bible speaks of casting, "pearls before swine," but the Mamaknologist knows that if you don't respect yourself enough to cherish the gifts of your body, mind, and spirit, you can never expect anyone else to, either.

And that accident your mother warned you about? It could be waiting on a bus or train seat.  Wear your panties!

Mama On: Public Actions

"Actions speak louder than words."

The 2008 summer olympics have begun, and I am greatly reminded of my mother's reminder. Isn't it interesting how we look at 41 year old swimmer, Dana Torres, and see a heroine. We see her shining and indomitable spirit, her silver medal triumph, and a mother who has set an amazing example for children everywhere.

Then we look at the wrestler Ara Abrahamian, the Armenian-born wrestler from Sweden, who will always be remembered for his "hissy fit". He received a bronze medal for his performance in the 84kg class of Greco-Roman wrestling. During the award ceremony, Abrahamian stepped down from the podium, took off his medal and dropped it onto the wrestling mat. He then angrily left and was later quoted as saying "I don’t care about this medal. I wanted gold."

The Mamaknologist response? Hell, we all want gold. Suck it up, you big baby! Some things in this world are bigger than what you want. Abrahamian should have acted better, because his childish, selfish actions have defined him as a man and will forever speak for him on the world stage.

Mama On: Good Health

"Health is like money. Spend it wisely -- there are no refunds."

That my mother even said this is ironic. My mother endured chronic high blood pressure, and was a heart attack and stroke victim. She passed 10 days before her 57th birthday, and once told me that her first heart attack surpassed any pain she'd ever had or imagined, and she never wanted that for me.

Maybe as a reflex reaction, my life and career paths took extreme detours. A psychology major, working in social service, her words took root in my soul and led to a major career change. I stepped away from my caseworker's desk and sought certification as an aerobics instructor and personal trainer. The difference, for me, was more than one of dollars and cents, and measurable in more than calories and pounds.

The Mamaknologist wisdom is this: Good health is worth more than its weight in gold -- keep it for as long as you can. As a Mamaknologist, you know that if you aren't good for yourself, you can't be good for anyone else. You also know that everything that's good to you is not good for you. The thought you probably have not had (and that my mother would encourage) is that taking care of your health is an investment in your life and the quality of life that you will share with others.

So, as a Mamaknologist who knows her true worth, what are you going to do? How about letting your level of flexibility affect your joints as much as it does your decisions. Enjoy variety that affects your diet as completely as it does your wardrobe. Endurance of a problem never resolves it -- see your doctor and do the maintenance your body requires, and live the life that you deserve. Think of it this way: if health is like money, all it takes is the investment of small change(s) to keep it. My mother, the Ultimate Mamaknologist, would want that for you.

Spending your life as a person of quality requires respect -- respect of mind, body, and spirit.

Mama On: Privacy

"Everybody's business is nobody's business and nobody's business is everybody's business."

Surprised to learn that everybody knows a different version of your business? And how willing they are to accept and (gasp!) appreciate the worst of it? Even when you don't make an active personal practice of putting your business, "out there"?

Hey, it happens, but the Mamaknologist knowing life for what it is, takes this as a series of lessons based in gossip, including:

1. don't start none, won't be none (think about it...)
2. don't do anything you don't want to see on the front page of your hometown newspaper.
3. and (my mother's favorite) they talked about Jesus, what makes you think they won't talk about you?

Face it, people are going to talk, especially if you insist on painting targets on yourself and pouring fuel on an already happily burning fire. Contrary to popular belief, all publicity (including the negative) is not good publicity. Do you really want to be "famous" for the worst things you can do or have done? Do you really want to be seen as a less than valuable human being? Be less than worthy of love, respect and consideration?

I'm going to guess the answer to those questions is a resounding, "no". This means that your personal business and life should always be exactly that -- personal, and they should remain so. If you put them out in the world to be handled and abused like any other cheap commodity, that's exactly how they will be perceived and treated by the world at large. And worse, that's how you will ultimately treat yourself, leaving your spirit and your person damaged: chipped, tarnished, broken, and useless.

The Mamaknology to be gleaned here is that if you have no value for yourself and your affairs, don't expect anyone else to have it either. The biblical reference for this has to do with casting pearls before swine -- don't do it. Always keep the best of yourself for yourself, and know that others will treat you as you treat yourself.

Mama On: Being Honest With Yourself.

"Always trust your first mind."

We've all heard that actions speak louder than words, but the skilled Mamaknologist has learned to read action as an indicator of character. While it may be simpler to interpret actions according to whim and felicity, translating them into what we would most like to be told or see, it doesn't work in the short run. And, in the long run, wishing will never make it so.

The person who promises everything and delivers nothing is never going to be the person you want to trust with a cherished secret, a family heirloom, a sensitive job, or your heart. And the only person you can trust to know this is yourself. A lot of people call this effort, trusting your intuition. The true Mamaknology lies in trusting your initial and heart-bound instinct: something my mother called, trusting your first mind.

I would, in fact be lying if I said that no Mamaknologist ever succumbed to the urge to ignore her first mind. And, yes, even after being raised at the knee of the 20th Century's leading Mamaknologist, I've slipped myself (a few hundred times...), but that doesn't make the lesson or the counsel any less valuable. When something doesn't feel right, learn to trust yourself to know that it's not right, and go forward in faith. My mother used to say that the real trick was to stop listening to what you want to hear, and listen to what is/was being said BEFORE you commit yourself.

I think she was right.

Mama On: Taking Responsibility

"If your mouth gets you into something, you'd better let your mouth get you out of it."

As I grew into the Mamaknology of my life, my mother called watching what you say and acting on the words that pass your lips respect, and after years of maternal monitoring, she finally left its application up to me. As direct result, I have had my share of saying the wrong things in the wrong places come back to bite me on the butt -- hard.

So, as a Mamaknologist, I have learned that by definition, respect is: esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability. And though I wish my mother had said it first, Ralph Waldo Emerson said: The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain. Respect and the ability to take responsibility for your actions fully qualify as principles of Mamaknology.

In this life, respect has to be earned and its cost is often dear, so if you allow your mouth to cheat you out of it, be prepared to do the work it takes to recoup the lost ground. There are no designer clothes that will dress up the snappy attitude that costs you respect. And goodness knows that even the cutest shoes will not outwalk "hateration".

And, just know, if you put the ugliness out there, it will come back -- usually because you didn't respect yourself enough not to realize that you (as a Mamaknologist) are simply better than that. The Mamaknologist wisdom here: think before you speak. Not only does God not like ugly, the rest of the world is not very fond of it ether, so watch your mouth!

Mama On: The Care and Handling Of Bitches

"I didn't raise them. I raised you."

Bitches. Yeah, I used that word. Face it, they are a fact of life. You work with them, meet them in the mall, pass them on the highway, and generally just have to live around them -- fact and hazard of life in the 21st century.

If you were raised by a woman like my mother and as heavily indoctrinated in Mamaknology as I was, there is no way you could ever forget the Mamaknologist definition of a bitch: a malicious, unpleasant, selfish woman. There is also no way you could ever forget her take on living and working with the mean girls who grew up to be mean women.

My mother, the consumate Mamaknologist, believed that because we don't live in this world alone (and it's illegal to exterminate them), we are all going to encounter a bitch at some point. She also believed that no Mamaknologist worth her title had to surrender power, faith, intellect, or femininity to a bitch. Her ability to deal with these fatally self-imbued women bordered on legendary. Her tools for the task were simple: a stronger than average vocabulary, the courage of her convictions, and a straight backed determination to be herself -- you can do that when you know who you are.

I'm sure that it didn't hurt that she was tall and pretty (pretty, after all is as pretty does, to paraphrase Forest Gump). But, she had a point, and under her tutelage you learned to stand up for yourself without tearing others down -- leaving them with respect for you and your ideas. You learned the Mamaknology principle of grace under fire and applied it with a generous dollop of intellectual "smack" (as some of us enjoy calling attitude with street cred).

Best of all, you learn to celebrate yourself. Take a look in the mirror: we all have something (maybe only one thing) that we KNOW is exceptional. And it's cause for celebration. And finally, you hold your head up and walk like you know where you're going because you have a right to.

So take that, bitches.